Web Porn: Smashed Potatoes

I’ve entered the fast, funky world of online videos and thank god I’m clothed.

I mean this quite literally. Porn is the well-established pioneer of media and technology. There’s a voracious, needy market with what seems like unlimited access to credit cards, which funds the innovation. The animal instinct that is fed by porn is insatiable; always seeking something new. As such, it pushes technology and media to develop (teledildonics, anyone?).

Porn has large populations of loyal followers willing to pay for monthly web subscriptions, the holy grail of traditional publishers. The same group, unfortunately can't find the monthly $9.99 to support something almost an important, like daily news. Porn has also advanced self-publishing, and is partially responsibility for the popularity of these sites, and why we’re watching presidential debates on YouTube.

I’m pleased to announce that my first experiment with online porn is it's prissy cousin, Food Porn. Score one for self-conscious women with a sense of discretion!

I provided the hands and voice (though not the recipes or script) for Holiday Kitchen. Today you can preview 65+ holiday recipe on brightcove; soon we’ll be on holidaykitchen.tv and, most visibly, on AOL’s food channel.

Aside from the paycheck, this is a damn good gig as I get to run through 65 recipes in a week, taste them all and reconsider my allegiances. For example, I’m newly converted to Turkey Tetrazzini (so don't use the canned mushrooms, but give this Americana classic a chance!), Corn Pudding, and I must say, this is just a wonderful recipe for Candied Nuts. When’s the last time you made Beef Wellington? There’s a reason it was a classic.

I also got to play with yeast, which I typically find intimidating (unnecessarily!). But it wouldn’t be holidays without rolls. Try these Poppy Seed and Herb Rolls (do go to the trouble of using fresh herbs; it’s worth it).

But, lest I think I’m a pioneer, I get to the party and the room is already full. There’s my neighbor, prolific Park Slope cookbook writer Roseanne “3-2-1” Gold, and ICE-instructor extraordinaire Hiroko Shimbo. These women are published, and respected in another medium; but here they are, getting jiggy in a new one.

And for those who think telegeneity matters, here comes Bethenny Frankel (again), with “I can't believe I'm giving it away” Faux Pancakes. Bethany, if you really want to help a sister out, kindly share the name of your nip and tuck-er or your personal trainer. I don’t want to cook like you, I just want to look like you. And we both know I can eat that egg white nonsense for the rest of my life, and I won’t be any closer to what you’re really selling.

From there it degrades to the international clique of adorable novices, and slightly disturbed Midwesterners with a bit too much time on their hands now that it’s too cold to tip cows. Plus, you can always find your favorite Iron Chef competitions, or just watch Food Network parodies.

Either way, you win, feral foodie, because there’s no shortage of people who want to share their recipes (or have their 15 minutes). This holiday season, some of the best food web sites are pulling out the stops and going video. If you’re looking for inspiration, give yourself a few hours, pour yourself a glass of Beaujoulais (est arrive!), and get ready to giggle. Porn has never been so prolific.

Mashed Potatoes with Scallions (Champ)
Serves 6

Though this recipe isn't on a web video (yet), it was a favorite from this season's Home Made Simple. And who doesn't need a great Mashed Potato recipe this time of year?

2 pounds yellow creamer potatoes, skins on
1 tablespoon plus 1 teaspoon kosher salt divided
3/4 cup milk
1/3 cup chopped scallion greens (about 2 scallions)
1 stick butter, melted

Put potatoes in a large saucepan and cover with cold water and 1 tablespoon salt. Bring to a boil; simmer for 20 to 25 minutes, or until tender when pierced with the tip of a paring knife.
Drain potatoes and put in a large bowl. Add milk, scallions, and remaining teaspoon salt to potatoes; mash with a potato masher. Transfer potatoes to a serving bowl and make a little dip in the top of the mound for pooling the melted butter. Serve with additional butter for individual portions.

TIP: Champ is a type of mashed potatoes typically served in Ireland. It’s always made with scallions, and is generally served with a little dip on top, so that you can make a pool of butter, and dip the potatoes in the butter as you go.

TIP: Choose small red or yellow creamer potatoes, as they have a thin skin that does not need to be removed before mashing. Not only is it edible; it’s packed with vitamins!