Adam’s Rib: Baby’s Got Back
I used to date a guy named Adam. I outweighed him, even though he was taller by about 4 inches. This is not a situation I would recommend for any woman who wants to feel, you know, like a woman. You don’t want to be able to lift a man who can’t lift you; trust me.
Adam believed that he contracted a tapeworm, or something, when he was in Africa (a decade prior to dating me). His stomach often hurt; friends would give him cases of toilet paper for his birthday.
He hated, I mean hated mushrooms and Parmesan cheese. As a result, I tried to sneak them into everything I cooked. Often he did not detect them, which gave me great joy. But most nights, even when I didn't use Parmesan OR mushrooms, he'd push aside my creative efforts in favor of something he found more satisfying, like a candy bar.
Ah, Adam.
He is married, as I’ve learned through our shared housekeeper. I hear he's living very well. That’s nice, very nice for Adam.
And I mean that sincerely. You see, once the trauma of a break-up is over, ex's can be re-cast as a wonderful piece of the past who helped you become the person you are today. Like a college semester you spent in Tibet. You don’t necessarily want to live there now, but you’re glad you lived there then.
'Adam' is a name that comes up a lot. Beginning of the alphabet, earthy, strong, easy to spell. There’s a prayer that Jewish people recite in Hebrew before they eat vegetables 'Boray, p’ri, ha’adamah'; 'Blessed are the fruits of the earth' (also known as vegetables). 'Ha’adamah' means 'the earth'. Do you see what I see? 'Adam' = 'Earth'. It’s solid, and I enjoy its Hebrew bi-linguality.
It’s a strong name; a biblical name. When I make ribs, I can’t help but think of the original Adam, who was from the earth, and that temptress Eve, who was made from his rib (metaphorically speaking, of course).
And when I pick up a rack of baby backs, I can’t help but think of my own ample asset, which I didn't always consider an asset. You see, Baby’s got back. This cracks me up. I feel like I'm back in ’93 again with those two dufuses sitting around giggling, “Heh, heh. She said baby back. Heh, heh.”
It was hard to enjoy this asset of mine when I was dating Adam. I wanted to get small, smaller than him – smaller than would have ever been healthy. I mean really, people, who can compete with a tapeworm? Come to think of it, eating ribs was also something that I couldn’t enjoy with him.
His absence in my present helps me to enjoy two pleasures more than I would have otherwise. Had I a better body image, and not an ample posterior? It would have been enough for me. Had I Parmesan and mushrooms, and not all-I-can-eat pork for the rest of my life?
It would have been enough for me.
And thanks to my little man of the earth, today I enjoy these pleasures, more. That, friends, is the beauty of a well-loved ex, his departure, and a celebration of reclaimed assets.
Dayenu.
Adam’s Baby Backs with Eve’s Rub
Makes about 2 cups rub, and ribs for 4 to 6
For rib rub:
1/2 cup kosher salt
1/2 cup packed brown sugar
1/4 cup hot Hungarian paprika
1/4 cup chili powder
2 tablespoons onion powder
2 tablespoons garlic powder
1 tablespoon cayenne
1 tablespoon thyme
2 tablespoons espresso or cocoa powder
For ribs:
1/2 cup rib rub
2 slabs baby back ribs
1/2 cup your favorite barbeque sauce, as desired
1. For rub: Whisk together salt, sugar, paprika, chili powder, onion powder, garlic powder, cayenne, thyme and espresso in a medium bowl. Store in a cool, dry place in an airtight container for up to 6 months.
2. For baby back ribs: Using 1/4 cup of rib rub for each rack, generously cover ribs with rub. Wrap ribs completely in aluminum foil. Refrigerate overnight, or leave on the counter for 1 hour. Allow to come to room temperature before cooking.
3. Heat oven to 350F. Cook ribs for 1 1/2 to 2 hours, or until meat pulls away from bone at the ends. Remove ribs from oven, and very carefully remove from foil (there will be hot steam and liquid coming out.
4. Preheat grill to medium heat and lay ribs on grill rack. Cook, turning occasionally, basting ribs with sauce (if desired), until the sauce is set and the rib edges are crispy, about 10 to 15 minutes.
TIP: With ribs, slower, lower temperature cooking results in tender ribs. If you can, cook the ribs at 325F for 2 to 2 1/2 hours, or 300 for 3 to 3 1/2 hours.
TIP: If you don’t want to finish the ribs on the grill, simply remove the ribs from the foil and finish cooking for about 3 minutes per side under the broiler. The broiler will have a similar effect as the grill, crisping the edges and setting the sauce.
Adam believed that he contracted a tapeworm, or something, when he was in Africa (a decade prior to dating me). His stomach often hurt; friends would give him cases of toilet paper for his birthday.
He hated, I mean hated mushrooms and Parmesan cheese. As a result, I tried to sneak them into everything I cooked. Often he did not detect them, which gave me great joy. But most nights, even when I didn't use Parmesan OR mushrooms, he'd push aside my creative efforts in favor of something he found more satisfying, like a candy bar.
Ah, Adam.
He is married, as I’ve learned through our shared housekeeper. I hear he's living very well. That’s nice, very nice for Adam.
And I mean that sincerely. You see, once the trauma of a break-up is over, ex's can be re-cast as a wonderful piece of the past who helped you become the person you are today. Like a college semester you spent in Tibet. You don’t necessarily want to live there now, but you’re glad you lived there then.
'Adam' is a name that comes up a lot. Beginning of the alphabet, earthy, strong, easy to spell. There’s a prayer that Jewish people recite in Hebrew before they eat vegetables 'Boray, p’ri, ha’adamah'; 'Blessed are the fruits of the earth' (also known as vegetables). 'Ha’adamah' means 'the earth'. Do you see what I see? 'Adam' = 'Earth'. It’s solid, and I enjoy its Hebrew bi-linguality.
It’s a strong name; a biblical name. When I make ribs, I can’t help but think of the original Adam, who was from the earth, and that temptress Eve, who was made from his rib (metaphorically speaking, of course).
And when I pick up a rack of baby backs, I can’t help but think of my own ample asset, which I didn't always consider an asset. You see, Baby’s got back. This cracks me up. I feel like I'm back in ’93 again with those two dufuses sitting around giggling, “Heh, heh. She said baby back. Heh, heh.”
It was hard to enjoy this asset of mine when I was dating Adam. I wanted to get small, smaller than him – smaller than would have ever been healthy. I mean really, people, who can compete with a tapeworm? Come to think of it, eating ribs was also something that I couldn’t enjoy with him.
His absence in my present helps me to enjoy two pleasures more than I would have otherwise. Had I a better body image, and not an ample posterior? It would have been enough for me. Had I Parmesan and mushrooms, and not all-I-can-eat pork for the rest of my life?
It would have been enough for me.
And thanks to my little man of the earth, today I enjoy these pleasures, more. That, friends, is the beauty of a well-loved ex, his departure, and a celebration of reclaimed assets.
Dayenu.
Adam’s Baby Backs with Eve’s Rub
Makes about 2 cups rub, and ribs for 4 to 6
For rib rub:
1/2 cup kosher salt
1/2 cup packed brown sugar
1/4 cup hot Hungarian paprika
1/4 cup chili powder
2 tablespoons onion powder
2 tablespoons garlic powder
1 tablespoon cayenne
1 tablespoon thyme
2 tablespoons espresso or cocoa powder
For ribs:
1/2 cup rib rub
2 slabs baby back ribs
1/2 cup your favorite barbeque sauce, as desired
1. For rub: Whisk together salt, sugar, paprika, chili powder, onion powder, garlic powder, cayenne, thyme and espresso in a medium bowl. Store in a cool, dry place in an airtight container for up to 6 months.
2. For baby back ribs: Using 1/4 cup of rib rub for each rack, generously cover ribs with rub. Wrap ribs completely in aluminum foil. Refrigerate overnight, or leave on the counter for 1 hour. Allow to come to room temperature before cooking.
3. Heat oven to 350F. Cook ribs for 1 1/2 to 2 hours, or until meat pulls away from bone at the ends. Remove ribs from oven, and very carefully remove from foil (there will be hot steam and liquid coming out.
4. Preheat grill to medium heat and lay ribs on grill rack. Cook, turning occasionally, basting ribs with sauce (if desired), until the sauce is set and the rib edges are crispy, about 10 to 15 minutes.
TIP: With ribs, slower, lower temperature cooking results in tender ribs. If you can, cook the ribs at 325F for 2 to 2 1/2 hours, or 300 for 3 to 3 1/2 hours.
TIP: If you don’t want to finish the ribs on the grill, simply remove the ribs from the foil and finish cooking for about 3 minutes per side under the broiler. The broiler will have a similar effect as the grill, crisping the edges and setting the sauce.
posted by Allison Fishman Task at 11:01 AM
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