Brrr? Beurre: Sauces For Women Who Like Their Curves

The holidays are over and I’m up five pounds. I’ve got genes to be plump, with a nice Jewish rump, though I do what I can to stay lean. I typically give myself the holidays to indulge, and make a sincere New Years effort to hit the reset button. Trading in the egg nog for egg white omelettes, the creamy hot chocolate for the fiber-rich hot oatmeal. January bliss.

But I find myself in an odd situation this year. While I like to stay thinner than a cook really can, if she's eating enough to grow her palate properly, this winter, I'm questioning why. And it’s all JChef’s doing.

JChef began our romance by picking up my marathon-ready body in his arms and saying things like “Why, you’re just a little thing! You can’t weigh more than a sack of rice!” People, listen up: A sack of rice is 100 pounds. His internal scale is off a generous 30. I did not share this with him at the time, I just cooed sweet and let him think what he wanted.

And now, post-marathon, post-Holidays, currently dating a late-night eating Chef (a hellish trifecta of weight-gain!), I’m rounder. My clothes aren’t fitting. I’m soft, and I’m less likely to wear hip huggers with a tiny t. My belly is a little, er, puffy. JChef hasn’t demonstrated the slightest bit of concern for the five that is driving me up a wall. In fact, he’ll take a particularly generous area of my hip in his hand and say something like, “The perfect combination of hardness and softness.” I’ll pull away, given that he’s now got his hand on an icky fat zone, and say, “Well say goodbye, because in a month there’s going to be less of me to grab.”

After years of dating men who’d trade me for a rail-thin Los Angelena, or anyone else who has the body of a young pubescent boy, I find myself in that enviable position of dating a man who likes curvy women. A man who’ll look the other way at a gain of a stone, as long as he gets to eat sweetbreads with me at two in the morning.

So I’m perplexed. I want to swear off eating after 8PM in efforts to trade my curvy-girl Joe's Jeans for a pair of skinny Sevens, give up chocolate and pasta and Cubans, but at what cost? So I can watch sweet JChef have his evening Bourbon alone? Saying no to our trips to Jackson Heights to get Pork Chops for breakfast? Denying him a shared platter of pierogies on Montague Street? Gracelessly saying no, please don't bring anything home special for me when you're done working at the restaurant tonight!? To refuse his Billy-burg famous Biscuits and Gravy in favor of a Cobb Salad at brunch?

That I should deny him this pleasure?

I think it’s time to put my foot down. To say, hey, I’m going to go to the gym, yeah, I’ll get my heart rate up, jog, lift weights, do silly step classes, what have you. But guess what world? I’m eating this winter. Short ribs, ribbolita, chocolates on Valentines Day, hot chocolate every day. (I live a half mile from Jaques Torres. What kind of a local, community girl doesn't support the mom & pops?) My five pounds are an investment in my happiness, and when it’s time for spring shedding, I’ll have my frisee and my gazpacho, and I’ll lighten up. This winter, I’m staying huggable.

If you’d like to join me, and you’re interested in the simple, delectable world of butter sauces, allow me to introduce to you: Monsieur Hollandaise, Signore Brown Butter Sauce, Sir Lemon Beurre Blanc. These men take pride in the Rubensian beauties they create.

My blender hollandaise should take you no more than 5 minutes, the brown butter no more than 10, the beurre blanc maybe 20 minutes, and most of that is unattended. If you want to do something a little nice for company, or for yourself, make one of these sauces. They compliment eggs or grilled fish, and that Brown Butter Sauce is my favorite paired with Squash-filled Ravioli (it’s a classic!). This small addition to your meal prep will add indulgent flavor without taking a lot of time.

Enjoy, and remember, we've only got a few months to splurge on what the sweaters hide, so enjoy!


BLENDER HOLLAINDAISE
Developed by The Wooden Spoon

2 large egg yolks
Squeeze of 1/2 lemon
Pinch cayenne pepper
1 stick unsalted butter
1/2 teaspoon kosher salt
Warm water, as needed, to thin sauce

1. Put the egg yolk, lemon juice, and cayenne in a blender. Pulse a couple times to combine. Put the butter in a small microwave safe bowl and melt in a microwave until just melted. With the blender running, gradually add the melted butter into the egg to make a smooth frothy sauce.

2. If the sauce is very thick, blend in a teaspoon of lukewarm water loosen it up. Season with the salt and serve immediately or keep warm in a small heat-proof bowl set over hot (but not simmering) water until ready to serve.



BROWN BUTTER SAUCE
Developed by The Wooden Spoon

1 stick unsalted butter
Juice of 1 lemon
8 fresh sage leaves, cut into long strips

1. Melt the butter in a saute pan until it foams and subsides. When it turns a nice light brown color, turn off the heat and squeeze in the lemon juice. Be careful, as the butter with sputter. Add the sage leaves. Toss with pasta, or drizzle over fish, and serve.



LEMON BEURRE BLANC
Developed by The Wooden Spoon

1 minced shallot
¼ cup white wine
2 tablespoons lemon juice
2 sticks unsalted butter, room temperature
Salt and white pepper to taste

1. Combine the shallot, wine and lemon juice in a saucepan. Reduce it slowly until almost completely dry (about 1 tablespoon of liquid is ample). Turn off heat.

2. Gradually whisk in butter (tablespoon by tablespoon) and season to taste with salt and pepper.